TAMING YOUR INNER DRAGON REJECTING ASSUMPTION AND REFRAMING MINDSET, SAY NO TO LABELS!!!

15 years ago I decided it was time to go and study coaching, it was a fascinating course and alongside the traditional counselling and massage I’d studied it, created a great base to work from. However the best experience and the main reason why I chose to head down this road was because of the life experience the universe chose to send Me and how I found My power in the process.

How many times have you said, if there’s one thing you could change, what would it be?

Loads I bet, but I’m advising you to stop!

For as long as I can remember I used to say if there was one thing I could change, it’s My breasts, I loathed them.

August 2021 I started to go through breast cancer, which would result in a double mastectomy and complex breast reconstruction surgery.

As great as it is to have had an amazing surgeon, if the Universe said ‘If you stop criticising your chest, I will make all of this go away and you won’t need to have any treatment or surgery.’ I would genuinely have said ‘hell yeah, you have got a deal! See we find it all too easy to be self-deprecating, but when it comes to it and that option is granted (admittedly in a rather extreme way) we then start to miss what we never appreciated.

Attraction is a very subjective concept and much of the ideas of how we should be are stemmed from projection, either by media or the insecurities of others. One of the most beautiful attributes in someone, is confidence and kindness, a smile can transform a person and bring them a joy that lingers.

Everything in the universe is energy and energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted from one form to another.

Next time you’re feeling like you want to say something to yourself or someone else that will only cause to exacerbate the situation, think of how you can reframe it and make it positive.

People say ‘I’m stubborn’, I tell them I’m tenacious.’

I’ve also been accused of being ‘too sensitive’ I disagree and would say ‘I’m intuitive’, if you don’t want a reaction, don’t be provocative.

How many things can you think of and then reframe them, so it connects with the true version of yourself… Give it ago and tell Me in the comments section.

A picture I took of St Leonards-On-Sea at sunset, the sunlight reflecting on the sea with Beachy Head jutting out into the far distance, this is My happy place, the place I go to to walk My dogs, it’s also the place I regularly swim in the sea, with My cold water swimming group (The Blue Tits).

If ever there was a place to be mindful this is it, where do you go to be mindful? and what do you enjoy doing to clear your mind, centre yourself and prepare yourself for what lays ahead.

A good practice for those who find meditation difficult is train your brain and ‘Be in the moment.’

Step 1. When your out on a walk try to get off your phone and at your own pace take a stroll and look around you.

Can you find five things that make you smile, eg a person laughing, the sun shining, a bird chirping, a message of positivity chalked on the pavement or dogs playing. (These are all suggestions, you may have other things that make you happy.)

Step 2. See if you can identify five different smells.

How do those smells make you feel, does that smell remind you of happy times? Is it a new smell? or Does it bring up feelings of anxiety and if so can you identify why? (If so acknowledge it, then let it go and return your mind to the centre, reminding yourself that you are living in the present, that you are safe and you are not going to let something in the past affect the present.)

One of My favourite smells is the smell of freshly cut grass, it reminds Me of summer days My Father cutting the grass and My Mother and I digging weeds out of the lawn, drinking elderflower water and catching some rays.

Lastly Step 3 Think of five positive things that have happened in the day,

(If your day has been really challenging then don’t invent stuff, but acknowledge the simple things, such as I am grateful for having a place to live, or I am grateful that I have a place I can go to to reset and prepare for the days ahead.) When I was having chemotherapy to treat My breast cancer, My first course of treatment was a course of AC every fortnight for 2 months, anyone who has had AC will know it comes in a large syringe and is bright red, for Me seeing this huge syringe that is pumping medication into Me was daunting and I asked if they could put something over to cover it, (if I can’t see it, I don’t need to be alarmed by it was My initial thought.) In reality though you can’t avoid the fact that it is happening, so I took a different approach and created My own mantra, which was ‘Red is My favourite colour, red symbolises passion and love, this medication is healing Me and filling Me with the loveI am strong!! Life is good and I am enough!’ I could have allowed fear to take over and allowed Myself to focus on negative thoughts such as, ‘red represents poison, I am angry’ etc, but none of this would have helped Me.’

Doctors have proven that stress lowers the immune system, making an individual more susceptible to illness, Dr Masaru Emoto conducted a study looking at the power of words and how they affected our environment, time and time again when plants were given verbal encouragement under the same conditions they thrived, however when the plants were spoken to in a unpleasant manner they started to die.

If this is the impact negative energy has on plants, then imagine the affect it has on people, just because spoken words can’t be seen, it doesn’t mean it’s impact isn’t felt as intensely as a bruise, pain comes in a variety of forms. So stop talking yourself down and don’t believe everything your mind tries to tell you, sometimes what seems reality is actually a lie.

 

The power of combining massage and mindfulness to heal

One of My passions is supporting individuals who have experienced trauma and working with them to understand why they have it and to overcome it. Trauma can manifest as pain, this pain can hold itself in the body and be very difficult to remove.

As well as coaching I am a experienced masseuse, offering My clients a holistic experience combining Swedish body massage with breathwork techniques, inner child meditation, crystal healing and lastly visualisation and affirmations, when used appropriately they can help to calm the nervous system and support the individual in letting go of pain and make a conscious decision to connect with their subconscious mind to heal old wounds and create new paradigms.

The power of breathwork

Most of us hopefully are able to breath without difficulty, it is a involuntary action that most of us don’t spend a lot of time thinking about. But what if I told you, the breathing your doing had room for improvement? Many of us take shallow chest breaths (vertical breathing) as opposed to diaphragmatic breathing (horizontal breathing).

When you take a shallow breath the diaphragm contracts and the oxygen doesn’t reach the bottom of your lungs, (which is the area where the blood vessels that deliver oxygen to the cells live.) When you take slow deep breaths (breathing down into your your stomach), your lungs are able to expand fully, allowing blood cells to carry the oxygen to where it needs to be, resulting in a calmer mind and muscles that are more relaxed, making it not only easier to massage the areas of pain, but removing subconscious tension, that is often a large factor behind the pain the individual is feeling.

The importance of giving yourself permission to heal

When I work with clients who suffer from anxiety, one of the most common things I see, is a lack of self-worth and self-belief, the intrusive thoughts have become so overpowering that the sheer thoughts of being free from the trauma and suffering, feels impossible to comprehend. By working gently with the individuals and helping them to gradually release that internal grip and negative space these old stories have been occupying, the individual can begin to focus on being kinder to themselves and start working on healing themself from the inside out. The methodology I use combines affirmations and visualisation, by putting a colour, a shape and a texture to the pain experienced and imagining themselves releasing it, smashing it and reframing their experience, so they are able to transform it from a negative energy to a positive one that calms the heart and mind.

Are you truly mindful

When did you spend an hour a day being mindful and do you know what simple pleasures in life make you smile?

For a considerable amount of time I seem to find hearts in nature, everything from hearts in the clouds, to stones on the beach or heart patterns on My cats neck, most of My friends at some point have received a heart stone from Me. There is a level of joy in seeing them and I can’t help but feel grateful for the reminder of all the love that surrounds Me.

I’m not suggesting people need to search for hearts, I certainly don’t go out looking for them. By just being aware of what is around you, smelling the salty air, (if you live on the coast like I do) or feeling wild flowers brushing against your legs, you encourage the mind to appreciate the little day to day things, all which support the individual to maintain a calmer and healthier mindset and remind us all of the wonderful little joys that are close to our doorstep. Unwinding is such a very important part of life, we’re flooded with information every second of the waking day, make sure at the end of each day you haven’t given every bit of energy away, looking after yourself is essential to maintaining a healthy balanced mind and body.

Using art and writing to explore emotions.

It is no surprise at why art and writing is such a popular method to explore trauma, the subconscious mind brings up emotions, that are sometimes too much to address directly.

By expressing emotions through art or writing, the conscious mind is able to unravel complex thoughts, that would otherwise be too overwhelming to approach using the ‘wheel of life’. This is a very useful tool, used by various people in the coaching industry and can be instrumental in supporting individuals to map out struggles and gain a better awareness of where the trauma stems from.

When individuals are living with complex trauma, it can sometimes be hard to pinpoint where the emotions are coming from, a misunderstood belief is the notion that you cannot take on other peoples trauma.

This is wrong, if you see someone experiencing suffering in an area of their life and spend enough time with them hearing them relive their experience, there is a possibility that you to will start to feel the pain and anguish they are feeling too, the term they use for this is vicarious trauma. I have worked a substantial number of years with people who live with complex trauma and have seen and experienced the impact it has on others, especially those who are sensitive to the emotions of others.

A male client came to Me once and shared their story with Me, they discussed the impact that work had on them and as a manager some of the responsibilities that were entailed in the job. He spoke about some of the stories He had heard from his colleagues and said how He felt so emotionally drained at times and limited as to how He could support his colleagues. This resulted in him feeling anxious and depressed, He battled with the mindset that He had to stay strong for the family and so would suppress his feelings as He was ‘the man of the house and He felt he should bear the brunt of lifes worries.’ When we discussed the importance of being your authentic self, accepting that sharing feelings and vulnerability to the right people is a sign of strength not weakness and looking at how others close to them may feel if they knew He wasn’t able to speak to them, it soon became clear to them that they needed to work on self acceptance and trusting others close to them with the very thoughts and feelings He’d tried to protect them from as well as finding strategies to ensure they were able to manage their own emotions and prevent them getting over whelmed and unable to have a healthy work and homelife. The client left and his parting words were ‘Thank you for giving Me permission to feel!’ It still amazes Me in the age of equality, (how so many individuals especially men in this case) feel unable to express their emotions, for concern that they will seen as weak. I’m telling you none of your emotions are weak, silly or insignificant, the sheer fact that you are aware that they are there, shows that they need to be acknowledged, empower yourself, take action and understand that ‘it’s okay to not be okay!

Why am I so passionate about Coaching?

I am passionate about coaching, because I firmly believe everyone has it in them to heal themselves, everyone is unique and each person I talk to will require a slightly different approach. The one aspect that remains the same though, is that the client leads the way and with support discovers the strategy that is right for them. It is not appropriate for Me to presume how they feel, or what is right for them, all I can to is provide them with the tools and variety of modalities, to create a safe space for them to explore their thoughts and set goals that take them out of their comfort zone, but not so much that it stops them doing it all together. Remember, in order to succeed you must believe you can achieve.

 

So the question is are you ready to heal?

Coaching is not a one trick wonder, you can’t turn up for one session and expect your problems to be resolved, complex trauma and limiting beliefs doesn’t work that way. As I’ve stated a few times, you are the person who leads the way, I can guide you, I can hold your hand and I can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions and set goals, but I cannot do it for you.

Just like a fitness coach cannot make you fitter, but they can show you the safe way to achieve your goals, the only difference is this is your emotional fitness and your mental stamina will at times be pushed to its limits and occasionally have you questioning if you’re strong enough to break the cycle. But if you want it enough, I know you can and when you do, you won’t question how strong you are again, because you will have the experience and strength to continue looking forward and never look back.

You have got this!!!!

 
Who will benefit most from My approach?

The beauty of My approach is works in so many areas of life, as it looks at the mind as well as the body. Whilst a lot of My clients have opted to receive the massage element as well as the wellness coaching, the massage is not an integral part of the treatment and those who are open to alternative approaches, will gain a lot from learning how to be kinder to themselves and have faith in their ability to accomplish the goals that they were previously too afraid to set! I do however have two areas that are very close to My heart and that is empowering people through illness and supporting individuals who have experienced domestic violence.

Having lived most of My life with epilepsy and gone through breast cancer treatment the last couple of years, I am very passionate about helping people face illness head on and ‘live beyond their label.’

I have had many clients say they find it easier to discuss things with Me, as I have first hand experience of how it feels to push through illness and come out stronger. I genuinely believe that whilst I’d never choose to go through ill health, equally I doubt I’d have taken up studying coaching and developing a level of resilience that enables Me to manage situations with a level of stoicism and determination to identify the ‘silver lining’, somewhere along the way.

Why is helping domestic violence survivors, so close to My heart?

I spent 25 years working with vulnerable individuals, I have seen first hand how arguments can quickly get out of hand and lead to horrifying consequences.

According to the last National statistics, 1 in 4 women and 1-9 men are subject to domestic abuse with 1-5 children being in a domestically violent home.

Over the years I have heard so many people tell Me how they have tried to get help but not taken seriously, many males I have talked to, have kept quiet about their experiences with domestic violence because if they speak out they worry they will be seen as ‘weak or pathetic.’ I remember working with an individual that I had grave concerns for regarding their welfare, to be told, ‘Well they just need to Man up and grow a back bone.’ It’s of no surprise to Me that many individuals still don’t feel able to seek help, if there are still people out there with outdated and highly detrimental judgements.

There has been a lot of progress in regards to domestic abuse, laws are constantly being revised to create more protection for victims, but like so much in life there is still so much more that needs to be done.

By creating a safe space, free of judgement that empowers the individual to take control of their life, I aim to enable individuals to acknowledge their self worth and take the first step to empowering themselves and ensuring the futures positive.

Thank you for taking the time to browse My web page, I hope My multi-disciplinary approach is something that you can connect with. I post a lot of wellbeing posts on Instagram, where you can also see poetry I’ve written about My breast cancer journey

You can find Me athttp://www.instagram.com/taming_your_inner_dragon or http://www.instagram.com/positiveconnectionsuk

Alternatively you can contact Me on tamingyourinnerdragon@gmail.com

 

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